How to Get Straight

It's always that way. The girls with straight hair want curly hair and the girls with curly hair want straight hair. Most MOTs don't have much choice. You're born with the Jew-Fro or it jumps out at you in adolescence. Boo! Then it's a curly mane of frizz all the way. You try to tame it with mousse and gel and sometimes it's pretty that way. No one will ever accuse your hair of lacking body.

But then you see the silky heads of your shiksa friends. They look so put together. So refined. Your hair reminds you of how you feel inside. Messy, confused and a bit too wild for your own good. So you seek out the straighteners. With a little money and a lot of chemicals perhaps you can go from Goldberg to Smith. Country club of Virginia here you come! You sit under the dryers as your straight perm tries to take effect. What's that smell? Um. That's your hair. Burning! And still, even a relaxer doesn't quite hold. You've got the strength of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in that hair! You find yourself not showering to keep your hair straight, which doesn't do much good if no one wants to be in your company since you smell.

Then you find your magic wand. Thank god for the Chi. In just ten minutes you can go from frizz to fabulous, Yehudah to Young Life, Fran Drescher to Angelina Jolie. (Okay. Well, not quite.) Maybe you'll never feel sleek and polished on the inside, but no one needs to know, do they?

Try this at home:
What feature do you wish you could change about yourself?