Freaking Out

I wish I had a more poetic title for this post, but that's pretty much how I feel right now.

I'm scheduled for LASIK on Thursday. Actually, I should say that I WAS scheduled for LASIK. My doctor called me last night at 9PM to tell me that after reviewing my eye topography again, he was a little worried about one somewhat thin section of my left cornea. He sent my chart to an international expert (his words) who said that I was fine and he would operate on me no problem. But my doctor was being cautious and asked if perhaps I'd rather go with PRK just to be safe. I asked my doc what he would recommend for his kid in this situation and he said PRK.

If you don't know much about LASIK and PRK, the basic difference is that PRK is done to the surface of your eye. There's no flap. The actual procedure is easier and quicker, but the recovery time is longer and more painful. You have to sleep in bandage contacts for 5 nights. It could be up to 3 months before you get perfect vision.

My doc and his nurse say I should be seeing pretty well by 5 days out, but the internets do not agree. And I'm not talking horror stories. I'm talking people who are happy with the PRK. They seem to be saying 2 weeks or longer before they are feeling relatively normal. And the key word is relative. I know myself and 2 weeks of screwed up vision is going to make me nutty(ier). What my doc describes as mild discomfort seems to be more like excruciating pain for quite a lot of people.

So, I just don't know. I don't know what to do.

I have a call in with my doc later tonight, but I'm feeling really hesitant. I have bad eyesight (-6.0 in both eyes), but with glasses I have great vision. No dry eyes. No problems. Just bad eyesight, which I have had since I was 5 or younger. My glasses don't really bother me, except when it comes to things like swimming or exercise (and really just because I don't get them adjusted enough so they slip off my face). Sometimes I think they're funky and cool. I stick with the big black hipster glasses. It's irony, people. They are accessories, and I'm used to them. I'm kind of worried that I won't like myself without them.

I was just doing the LASIK for vanity, but now I'm just not sure if it's worth it. I could do the LASIK and take the tiny chance that something will go wrong. But I really don't think I can handle the side effects of the PRK. I know myself.

So I'm not sure. Take the chance on the LASIK. Suck it up and do the PRK, knowing that it's going to suck? Stick with my glasses and try out some different contacts. (I haven't been able to wear contacts for 9 years. They just started bugging the heck out of my eyes.) Get some new glasses. Do nothing and just get bangs?

Crap.

Maybe I would always be this nuts or maybe once you've had something go horrendously wrong with your body, you are never quite the same. As much as I'd like to, I don't really trust doctors. I don't trust anybody or anything.

However, as a side note, which I did think was pretty funny...my mother called up the doc's nurse because she's my mom and she always gets in my business when I'm freaking out and totally told the nurse about my history to explain why I am so nervous. That's right, folks. When in doubt play the dead baby card. No one gives you any trouble after that.