I was just mentioning this on a local chat board so I thought I'd write about it.
Sometimes I feel weird. (Okay. I usually feel weird, but this is specific.)
I've noticed that most of my friends get all gooey when they see babies. They say it makes them want to have another one. They ooh and aah. They want to hold the baby. Sniff the baby. They just adore the babies.
I feel none of that.
I mean, I like babies. I don't dislike babies. They're cute. Especially when their mamas dress them well. Baby clothes are pretty adorable.
But I definitely don't long for another baby when I see a baby. In fact, I don't think I ever did. That whole maternal longing thing...I never had that. I went from this will be a cool science project to must have child to prove that I am not broken and something is right with the world.
But I love my kid. I love him way more now that he walks and talks and makes me laugh than I did when he was just a little wormy thing who slept and pooped and peed all day. I did think I loved him just as much then, but now I know I was wrong. I still think I'm a somewhat decent mother without that whole maternal urge. In fact, sometimes I think it makes me a little more rational about motherhood than I might be otherwise. But perhaps that's just rationalizing.
Anyway. I can't help it. But sometimes it makes me feel weird.
Yeah. That's it.
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5 comments:
I am the same way. Most of my friends are like yours, and I just can't understand it. Two children always seemed like a limit to me, and it took me a long time just to get to the point where I wanted any at all.
I am 100% sure that I don't want any more. My husband is "fixed" and has been since K was two months old. I love my children dearly, but I am not a kid person. It's hard to explain, but I think I feel similarly to you.
I'm in the same boat. I am excited to have a kid, and I know that when it comes out I will love it, and when it grows up a bit and develops a personality I'll love it even more, but I never had the whole "I MUST HAVE A BABY RIGHT NOW THIS MINUTE THEY ARE JUST SO FREAKING ADORABLE!" feeling that I kept thinking I should have. That's part of the reason I got cold feet...right before I realized that I was already pregnant. I too felt like I was "missing a gene" when I kept not feeling the baby urge that all of my friends and women in my age group seemed to feel.
But I keep thinking back to something that my Mom told my aunt when she was pregnant with me: "I don't love kids, but I'll love MY kid." I think that sums it up nicely. I know I'll love MY kid or kids, even if I always believe that baby animals are much much cuter than baby humans.
I have a friend who has eight kids and the mere thought absolutely horrifies me. I have another friend who openly admits that she has a "contract" with her husband that he "doesn't do baby duty." Yet another friend tells close friends that she "really isn't a baby person" and only started to enjoy her children when they turned about two years old.
Personally, I wanted to have a family...not a BABY. I generally think babies are boring and irritating. I spent the majority of the first year of Sam's life waiting for it to pass so we could get to the "interesting stuff." My perspective shifted with Myles only because of my losses. I was able to slow myself down and "enjoy" the baby phase more. That doesn't mean I think babies are all that particularly fun or interesting...but I learned to appreciate time spent with my baby differently because of my own life experiences.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone is different...I don't think you're missing a gene at all. I think that there are probably a lot of people out in the world who think like you do but who are afraid to say anything that may be perceived as politically incorrect. I just think that you don't hear those people speak up about it because they are afraid of the backlash. We have our societal expectations and stereotypes, no matter how enlightened we may claim to be. So secret feelings stay secret...though I can't, for the life of me, figure out why.
See, I am pretty sure I'm about to get my first pp-AF, and I have to keep pushing away the thought that this or that would be a good time to conceive. And I don't rationally want anymore! It's just a biological drive.
I wonder how people can get their AFs and not be thinking about getting pregnant? I wish I could.
And those babies. And their smell. Mmmmmm. Darling. I would have never thought I would be such a slut for babies. But I am.
Do you seriously not think about getting pregnant again? I cannot push it out of my mind. And we're in a mess! The last thing we would need right now would be a reproductive disaster or another kid, whichever it would be.
I can't help myself.
Maybe I am unbalanced
I love these comments!
Yeah. I don't think I'm the only person who feels this way. I just seem to be in the minority.
I think about possibly having another baby, but in a totally rational way...like...should we do that or not at some point . Then I realize I really don't want to be pregnant again. Or go through the sleepless nights, etc...I feel no biological urge whatsoever. In fact, the idea that I could have a weird biological urge to procreate is kind of freaky to me!
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